


Midnight Ruminations

by Tinysnekinahat



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Dreams, F/F, F/M, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, NSFW, Plot With Porn, Sexual Tension, Skinny Dipping, Smut, Teasing, Vampires, Warlock Drow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:20:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinysnekinahat/pseuds/Tinysnekinahat
Summary: Mind reading is a perilous business. Tav and Astarion get to know each other in more ways than intended.
Relationships: Astarion/Female Charname (Baldur's Gate)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 97





	1. Down by the River

It was a restless night again. While her companion’s exhaustion had finally caught up with them, Tav lay sleepless, the consistent croak of a frog in the distance reminding her of the cruelly slow passage of time. She tossed and turned, the ground feeling more uncomfortable than usual. She knew it was well into the night, the crackle of the fire starting to show signs of slowing down. She watched as the flames flittered against the endlessly black sky, disappearing into the air to a place unknown.

With great trepidation, the group had taken their first steps into the Underdark that day. Tav was only a half-Drow, so her knowledge of the Underdark was limited to the stories her mother had told. The infinite, twisting collection of caves ranging from the size of palaces to crawl spaces. The crawl spaces were what you had to worry about the most, the older woman had explained. The cracks in the rocks held the most hostile of plant and animal life. Small grey men that would pull the flesh from your bones as you still lived, revelling in how you writhed in agony. That was if the explosive fungi didn’t melt off your face first. It never eluded Tav why her mother chose to leave that place. 

As her thoughts danced between the various ‘eccentrics’ of the Underdark, Tav realised the turmoil she felt was at the notion of having to return to it once morning came. It was this turmoil that kept her from the blissful embrace of unconsciousness. She sat up, her body heavy but mind racing. She rested her elbows upon her bent knees, rubbing her eyes as she noticed her distress steadily grow. Her head pounded – she could swear the tadpole was feeling the same restlessness. 

I just need sleep; she assured herself and steeled herself against the insidious fear that would threaten to break her if she let it. She focused on her body to ground herself, using a finger to lightly trace the intricately crafted leather of her armour’s cuirass. Her breaths started to come fast and unsteady. She gripped at her chest as her heart quickened, suppressing a grimace. She pulled her hand away from her armour and noticed green powder staining the skin of her fingers. 

“Dammit,” she whispered, realising she hadn’t managed to wash away all the mushroom spores she had picked up in the Underdark. Continuing to trail her fingers through the crevasses of her armour, she could see a quick wash in the river hadn’t cut it. Bewitched by the need for distraction, she carefully lifted from her bedroll. She grabbed a wooden washtub, soap bar and wire brush from the small collection of items the group had accumulated to make camp more comfortable. Tav thought to wash in the lake, but the sound of running water was more enticing. 

Tav quietly made her way to the running river nearby, careful not to wake the others. She gave them a quick look to ensure she hadn’t disturbed them. After a headcount, she realised Astarion was missing. 

“Must be hungry” Tav thought out loud. It wasn’t shocking, but it made her painfully aware of her surroundings as she made her way down the riverside. Thankfully, she trusted she wasn’t Astarion’s preferred target – for tonight anyway. She subconsciously reached for her neck, clasping a palm over the two healing scabs. The flesh of her neck was still tender – she was sure a dark bruise marked where the vampire spawn had bit down. She reminisced on the icy pain that shot through her body in response to his teeth, piercing her skin. How he held her body still against his despite her lack of resistance. How he had held her that little bit closer the night of the celebration. She shook the thought away. 

Tav gingerly traversed the large boulders that created a natural boundary between the hillside and the waterside vegetation lining the running water, moonlight her only guide. The roar of the water seemed louder at night and comfortably absorbed any noise Tav made settling herself on a large rock closest to the water. With a short struggle, she fumbled at the clasps and straps of the Drow crafted armour, pulling the breastplate off. She let out a small sigh of relief as she was released from her leather cocoon, quickly removing every other piece. She was left with the long-sleeved cloth shirt and trousers that stopped the leather chaffing against the skin. She relished in the freedom of movement, stretching her arms and legs, rolling her neck side to side.  
Tav wet the cuirass in the river before rubbing the soap bar into the hard to reach crevasses. The wire brush came next if she found a particularly stubborn stain. She repeated this with every piece, all while losing herself in the soothing sounds of the night-time. The air was filled with a symphony of crickets and croaking frogs, the occasional screech of an animal in the undergrowth piecing the air. The summer air was warm against her - an embrace that only brought discomfort. She peered into the running water below, begging to enfold her. 

After a quick glance at her surroundings to ensure she was alone, Tav dexterously loosened the strings of her shirt and bottoms, slipping them off with ease. On a whim, her undergarments too were tossed to the side, and she released her hair from its braid, long, raven black hair falling over her back. It was now just her, lavender skin exposed to the moonlight. She wasted no time, desperate for the cooling touch of the water and stepped into the river until it came to her upper thighs. The current was strong, but not enough to drag her away. She enjoyed the way current hugged at her legs and pulled at her flesh. The stones beneath her feet were pleasantly smooth. 

She closed her eyes and relaxed into the current, submerging herself entirely underneath the water with a splash. The water engulfed her as she wanted, weighing her down into the darkness. The cold rush of the current filled her with a rejuvenated sensation. It acted as a cleansing touch to every inch of her body. All sound was muffled, and all external stimuli were muted. It was a calming moment, a place where she was no longer overwhelmed by everything that’s happened. There was no blood, death or chaos here; just the quiet rumble of water running past her. It was, however, only a moment. She managed to hold her breath for some time before her lungs were screaming for air. Tav resurfaced, audibly gasping. Her mind had cleared, even if it was just for a second, and she felt better for it. But her moment of reprise was interrupted. 

“I do hope you’re not drowning” Astarion’s unmistakable sarcastic voice echoed softly from the riverside. Tav instinctively kept her body low in the water and whipped around to see the vampire lounging on a flat rock, a little further from the water’s edge than where Tav had sat. Astarion had a different visage about him at night, his white curls closer to brilliant silver in the moonlight. His red eyes glowed with a predatory prowess, a dangerously disarming smirk on his lips. 

“Spying on me now?” Tav jabbed back, forcing back a smile. Astarion gave an innocent shrug, and Tav could feel her heart quicken. A part of her thought she should be embarrassed, but in Astarions presence, she only felt emboldened. Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her in the nude before. 

“I was simply walking by when I heard someone struggling in the water. I didn’t know it would be you” the vampire retorted, unable to wipe the smirk from his face. He looked remarkably happy compared to earlier that day. For someone who lived in the dark for almost two hundred years, he didn’t seem particularly fond of it. It was something Tav could relate to. 

“I was just enjoying the water. I couldn’t sleep, so…” Tav’s voice trailed off as her thoughts escaped her. Astarion crossed his arms, watching her closely as she floated around in the dark current. She could swear she spotted a speck of blood in the corner of his mouth. The remanent of a poor forest creature, she was sure. Not her, at least. 

“Afraid you’ll have your naughty little dream again? Can’t say I can relate” Astarion jested, some spite in his words. He had only venom for any thought involving Cazador. Tav pondered his words. 

“I wish” Tav responded quietly, not exactly wanting to explain her current vulnerable state of mind. The Underdark had shaken her more thoroughly than she first thought. Astarion gave her a questioning look, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m just restless,” Tav offered as an explanation, judging Astarion with a critical eye, “What are you doing here anyway?” 

“Ah, just taking a midnight stroll,” He said, gesturing to the wilderness around him, “Seeing what tasty morsels might come my way… wittingly?” He gave her a look, a question in his words. 

Tav felt her head drift upward in understanding as she watched him slowly inch towards the water’s edge. He judged the water with a careful eye, making sure not to stray to close, before turning his attention back to Tav. 

“Not so wittingly tonight, elf” Tav teased, maintaining her spot in the centre of the river. The water had offered some reprieve, but her body still arched and stung after the day’s battle. She couldn’t imagine adding more blood loss on top of her current state. 

“How disappointing,” Astarion drawled, unfazed by her response, “You know, I was planning to offer something in return this time. A beneficial transaction, if you will.” 

His words insinuated sex. Of course, it was sex. 

“For both of us?” Tav asked, only moving an inch closer. She was still well out of his reach, and it was going to take a lot more than some sweet talk to entice her further. Or, she would at least like to think so. Astarion chuckled at the display.  
“Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about the other night. We could do that again. Unless of course, it didn’t measure up against your past bedfellows?” Astarion asked. Tav couldn’t help but laugh. He knew exactly how she felt about that night. Turns out two-hundred years of experience didn’t go amiss. Astarion had a silver tongue, and he knew how to use it. 

“You want feedback?” Tav questioned, unable to conceal some surprise. It’s true they hadn’t spoken much that night, it was closer to grasping to whatever felt right at the moment—a quick but pleasurable impasse. 

“Darling, I’m curious. I want to know what you like. Really like” Astarion explained, leaning back into a rock face. He appeared relaxed, but underneath it, Tav could see he was coiled like a spring. He was looking for a distraction. 

“What I really like? Hmm,” Tav wondered, thinking to herself. She thought back to that night, to the dancing and foul-tasting wine. How La’zel would have practically taken her on the spot if she had been so inclined. 

“La’zel was particularly interesting that night, all with her desire to taste my sweat and all” Tav laughed. For all her githankyi roughness, La’zel’s determination to ‘claim’ her was a surprising turn on. Unfortunately for her, Tav was a fan of more delicate demands for her touch. 

“She’s not exactly one to mince words” Astarion mused. 

“I do prefer subtly,” Tav said, brushing her wet hair back, exposing her neck and shoulders to the night air. She stretched her arms up, her breasts dangerously close to breaking the surface of the water. Astarion made an effort to look unbothered, but she would catch his gaze drift downwards hungrily. He had given her that look that night when he had suggested they make their own ‘entertainment’. She thought back to how she asked him to say please. He was taken aback, of course, failing to mask his surprise at the request. Seamlessly, she asked again and the breathless ‘please’ he gave in response sparked something in her. Something she hadn’t felt in a while. 

“I like to make you squirm” Tav almost whispered. Astarion raised an eyebrow, but something told her he wasn’t surprised. 

“I’d like to see you try darling” Astarion challenged, voice laced with honey. Tav pursed her lips in thought. Heart racing, she slowly raised herself out of the stream, revealing herself from the thighs up. She knew she was attractive, selective breeding among Drow helped with that. But her body was also toned and subtly muscled from battle; her skin looking remarkably inviting all the same. Scars enhanced her hardened look, speckling her body like white paint on a purple canvas, remainders of sword fights and bar fight glassings. The water droplets that clung to her almost gave her a glow in the moonlight. 

She could feel her excitement grow when Astarion visibly swallowed and lean forward, admiring her figure. He radiated delectable energy, wordlessly beckoning for her with his gaze. She stepped closer until she was at the water’s edge. She stood there, tracing lines in the water with her fingertips, waiting for Astarion to make a move. 

To her delight, he crumbled easily. He navigated the rocks until he was as close as he could be to the edge; crouching down to face her. Tav placed her elbows onto the stone, resting her chin on clasped hands. Her chest was pushed up against the rough rock face. The gesture closed the distance between her and Astarion, their faces mere inches apart. She judged his pale face closely, noting his soft lips and intense dark rose eyes. 

Desperate to feel his skin, Tav lightly ran her thumb over the soft flesh of his bottom lip. It was cool to the touch, like living marble. The simple touch caused Astarion’s breath to catch in his throat, his eyes drifting to her neck. Tav pressed her thumb harder against his lips to bring his attention back, causing him to smile devilishly. She felt her throat tighten when he suddenly wrapped his lips around her thumb, the warmth of his mouth sending a shiver through her body. He sucked it ever so lightly, igniting her arousal. She had to stop herself from recoiling when she felt his fangs graze her skin, her vulnerability only deepening her desire. He slowly released her thumb, causing her to gasp quietly. He appeared deeply satisfied with her reaction, eyes filled with temptation. 

“Two can play at this game,” Astarion said smugly. Tav sighed, longing to wipe away the smug grin on his face. She leaned in, giving him the impression she was about to kiss him, but instead reached past him, grabbing the soap bar she had left nearby. Before he could react, she moved back into the current, much to his disappointment. 

“You truly are an ill-behaved pup, aren’t you?” He growled, but Tav detected no hint of malice. Just frustration concealed by wit. She didn’t respond, only laughed and proceeded to wash with the soap. She ran the soap over her body, slowly rubbing the suds into her skin as Astarion watched. She paused at her breasts, running her hands underneath and over them, nipples taut at the sensation. Astarion tightened his jaw and let out a dramatic sigh, but stayed sitting by the waterside. She could tell he liked what saw, though all the teasing. He wasn’t one for romantic or sympathetic gestures, likely a product of his time under Cazador’s influence. But now he was finally allowed to follow his desires, and Tav was happy to indulge him. A little fun in her life wouldn’t hurt, especially if they could die at any moment. 

“I’m curious,” Astarion suddenly said, not taking his eyes off her, “The dream you had. Who did you see? Were they as… enticing as the others described their visitors?” 

Tav didn’t expect such a question, pausing her display momentarily. She thought about the dream, the woman that came to her—a surprise visit from the past. One that was equally welcome and unwelcome. 

“An old lover. A human woman by the name of Talia” Tav mused, lowering herself back into the water to wash the soap away. There was some poorly disguised curiosity on Astarions face. 

“A human? And a woman. How tantalising” He said. Tav mockingly scoffed. 

“Didn’t you live in Baldurs Gate? I thought you more progressive than that” Tav said though a smile. 

“Trust me, I’m not one to judge tastes. It does make you infinitely more interesting, however,” Astarion confessed. 

“Hmph” Tav murmured, now taken by her thoughts of Talia. How real her voice was in the dream. How the warmth of her breath felt against the back of her neck. The memory caused a shiver to run up her spine.  
Astarion rolled his eyes, clearly jealous he experienced no such thing. He moved restlessly by the riverside, running a hand through his hair. 

“What did she do to catch your eye?” Astarion asked, genuine curiosity in his voice. Tav shrugged innocently, a grin spreading across her face. 

“Well. She was the daughter of a rich noble who had come into town with a trading caravan. My caravan wanted to be in his good graces, so we started to make connections. She liked my singing.” 

“Singing? You were a bard?” 

“Not quite that good, just good enough to entertain a bunch of drunkards. Seemed it was enough to pique her interest. She was pretty enough to pique mine” Tav explained in a jovial manner. 

Astarion thought on her words. She made eye contact with him, and she felt their tadpoles recognise each other, their minds grazing past one another. A little touch, but one that almost burnt a hole into her mind to not pursue. It wanted into his mind and his into hers. An unspoken communication occurred, a question. 

May I see? Astarion’s voiced echoed through her mind, almost sounding embarrassed at the request, though his face did not portray it. Tav felt a genuine curiosity bloom, but a part of her was hesitant – what if he saw more than intended? The memory sharing was as chaotic and fleeting as thoughts themselves. There was a fascinating aspect to the idea of sharing what she felt when she was with Talia. She was positive; it was more appealing than whatever Astarion experienced. Deep down, she wanted to focus on something that – for once – was pleasant. 

And with that realisation, she made a silent confirmation, and suddenly Tav was in her dream again. So was Astarion. A silent observer seeing through her eyes. 

Talia laid before them, adorned in gold and lavender silk. The dress she wore flattered her full figure, clinging to her breasts and slender waist. Her hair was a delightful dirty blonde, twisted into intricate braids at the nape of her neck, begging to be unravelled. Her eyes were warm and inviting brown, holding Tav’s stare. She spoke with affection as well as some concern, voice buttery. 

“You frown in your sleep,” Talia noted, “There must be so much on your mind.” 

The unexplainable need to reach out to the divine figure overcame Tav once more. Talia placed a hand on her cheek, fingers warm and soft. Talia came to a realisation. 

“You think you’re sick. That you’re dying,” She stated as a matter of fact, “Are you afraid?” 

Tav was flooded with all the feelings she had experienced the days prior. Anger, uncertainty, confusion. Most of all, fear trumped all of these. She had bottled them up, hid them behind bravado and intimidating looks. It was not because she was brave, or at least she didn’t think so. Everything she had done, she did out of necessity. Becoming the ad hoc leader of a band of desperate liars called for that necessity. But she didn’t know if it would amount to much, especially that night. She honestly thought death was awaiting her. But it was just… Talia? 

“Who are you – What are you?” Tav asked. 

“You know. I think in your heart you know” Talia said unhelpfully, “We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t destiny.” 

Destiny? Tav detested the concept. She could feel Astarion did too. 

With a flitter, Talia disappeared from in front of her to behind her, running a finger along her shoulder. The touch set her skin alight. 

“Come now. I’ll make you feel better” Talia offered. Tav closed her eyes, enjoying the authentic touch. “Let yourself go. Lean back” 

Tav longed to give herself over into Talia’s embrace, to feel something comfortable and familiar. But something in her was too wary. She pushed the woman away slightly. 

“What are you doing? I’m trying to help you” Talia said asked, shocked by the reaction. And just like that, the memory changed. Talia’s words sparked a new memory, twisting the environment and Tav with it. It was like an invisible entity had snapped its fingers, and suddenly Tav was somewhere else in her mind. Her senses were immediately flooded, tavern music ringing in her ears, heavily scented smoke entering her nose. It filled her with an immediate high, her mind quiet, her world spinning. She gasped, an ecstasy tickling at her dulled brain, lessening pain in her arm. 

“I’m just trying to help you” Tav heard Talia say again. She opened her eyes to see Talia again, this time in commoner’s clothes. They both sat at the foot of a wooden bed; Talia’s eye’s brimming with concern. Tav took in her surroundings, noticing she was in a tavern bedroom, the best on offer. She looked down at her right arm, held by Talia’s careful hand. The woman was steadying Tav as she prepared to thread a curved needle through her flesh to repair a large gash in her forearm. A fragment of bloodied glass was discarded on the floor in front of them. 

I remember this, Tav thought to herself as she watched Talia pierce her skin with the needle, dexterously moving it through the wound to create a stitch. The pain of it was very real, Tav grunting at the sudden sharp movement, fists clenched. The drugs weren’t helping. 

“Relax your hands, or it’s just going to hurt worse” Talia warned. Tav resisted the advice, finding it hard to control her reactions. She was younger here, less familiar with pain. 

“I could have done this myself,” Tav said begrudgingly. She watched as blood oozed from the wound, trickling down her arm. She felt something stir in her that wasn’t part of the memory, reminding her she wasn’t experiencing this alone. Astarion was still watching. 

“Tsk. We wouldn’t have to do this at all if you hadn’t chased that kid” Talia pointed out, finishing up the stitch. Tav grumbled incoherently, a retort on the tip of her tongue. 

“Next time, don’t walk around the ass end of town with a small fortune attached to your hip, and I wouldn’t have to play chicken with the urchins” Tav laughed. Talia was less amused. 

“They can keep the coin. Gods know they need it more than I” Talia lamented, always the bleeding heart of the two. In the end, it had taught Tav to be gentler. Eventually. 

“The last one” Talia declared, starting the last stitch. Tav grimaced. 

“I wish I had more devil weed” Tav complained, tearing her eyes from the wound. 

“You’ve had enough. I don’t think I can deal with you being glassed again.” 

“He got lucky. Would have kicked the little shit’s head in if he weren’t quick enough” Tav postured. 

“And you’re lucky I like you” Talia joked, clearly finding Tav’s word distasteful, but ignored it. 

“I hadn’t noticed” Tav joked back, a lazy smile spreading across her face. Talia couldn’t help but return her smile, finishing up the stitch. 

“There,” she said, returning the needle to a dish of alcohol on the bedside table. She grabbed clean dressing and started to firmly wrap Tav’s arm, who stifled another grimace. 

“Too bad your patron couldn’t lend you some healing powers” Talia mused as she finished the wrapping. Tav grabbed Talia’s hand before she pulled away, feeling her soft fingertips. 

“That’s what I have you for, isn’t it?” Tav said, smirking. Talia settled beside her again, bringing her face in close to Tav’s. Her breath was a sweet mix of whiskey and lavender. Tav breathed in, tantalised by the scent. 

“I thought it was just because I was a good kisser,” Talia said through a smile, holding Tav’s hand tightly. She gazed into Tav’s eyes longingly, her pink lips slightly parted. Tav had forgotten how enthralled Talia was with her – she was so impressed with her ability to ‘tame’ the unapproachable Drow woman. Tav was the only Drow Talia had ever met. She was a trophy, and Tav was okay with that for a time. 

Too bad it became inconvenient, Tav thought to herself. She didn’t want to remember that part. All she wanted now was for Talia to melt into her arms. 

“Remind me,” Tav said, leaning in with anticipation. Talia kissed her lightly, soft lips melting into hers. It set her nerves on fire, the hair on the back of her neck rising. Tav knew immediately that she wanted more. She deepened the kiss, taking Talia’s face in her hands. She responded in kind, snaking her arms around Tav’s torso, holding her close. Feeling her pressed up against her sparked Tav’s desire, a knot tightening within her, pleading for release. 

“Do you want me?” Tav asked, pulling back briefly. Talia nodded, her desires apparent. 

“Say it” Tav whispered the command, feeling her excitement grow. Talia grinned foolishly. 

“I want you.” 

The world suddenly swirled again, and the room disappeared. Tav found herself somewhere else, a dark storeroom. She was lavishly dressed in a blue dress. She felt constricted, the dress comparable to a giant snake. She was surrounded by armoured chests, the one in front of her unlocked. An expensive red, diamond jewelled necklace was clutched tightly in her hands. The sharp edges of the jewels dug into the flesh of her hands, the anger flooding her unparalleled. Talia stood by the doorway, mirroring similar outrage. She was dressed in her noble attire, a rich green gown.

“I want you to come with me!” Talia exclaimed, gripping the door frame to steady herself. She was seconds from collapse, her lip trembling. Tav remembered where she was. Talia was leaving town and wanted Tav to come with her. To Baldur’s Gate. Tav’s heart rate rose at the thought of the concept. 

“Why? So you can show me off to your noble friends” Tav replied, voice cold. A part of her wanted to take Talia into her arms and assure her she wanted nothing more. But she stood stone still. Her dignity was more important to her. 

“I can’t believe you. What’s wrong with me being proud of who I’m with?” 

“That wasn’t pride, Talia,” Tav hissed, thinking back to earlier that night, “I was our fucking pet. May as well have me on a leash.” 

“I don’t know why you would think that” Talia whispered, barely holding back. 

“Was it necessary to mention my heritage in every conversation? I overheard you speaking with your father as well. ‘She’s not like the others! I made sure of that’” Tav lamented, voice rising as she quoted her lover. 

“I was defending you. You had as much right to be at that party as everyone else” Talia explained angrily. Tav could feel her blood start to boil. 

“That’s fucking rich. There’s no way I would have been welcome there without you. To think attending a party was a right, what a joke.” 

“I wanted to prove to them you were good and dignified. That you were worthy of being by my side back at home.” 

“If you really believed that, there would be nothing to prove. You just wanted to show off a ‘good’ Drow. Oh, how well you have tamed me Talia” Tav jested sourly. 

“If it weren’t for me, you’d still be gallivanting around with that caravan,” Talia said, finally showing some true colours, “Surely I can take some credit? You’d be like your people -” 

“MY people? The people I didn’t even grow up with, the ones I have nothing to do with?” Tav shook with anger. She gripped the necklace even tighter. 

“You claim to not be like them, yet you sneak behind my back to steal from my father” Talia seethed, pointing to the necklace. 

“Think of it as payment for the time I wasted with you, my lady,” Tav said, pocketing the necklace and moving to leave the room. Talia stood in her way, and while she was a whole head shorter than Tav, her presence made Tav pause. 

“We could have a life in Baldur’s Gate. Together, you’ll never have to prove anything to anyone, I promise” Talia begged. Tav stared into her eyes, unable to look away. The hold this woman had on her was almost tangible. She didn’t want to leave, but everything told her she should. 

“I can’t do this. Not while you think there’s something about me that needs to be defended – to be fixed.” 

Tav? Astarion’s voice was only an echo. 

“No, no, I love you, Tav. Don’t you understand?” Talia said, her voice fading as she continued to speak. Tav couldn’t hear anything; only see the woman in front of her. The worse part was yet to come. 

Tav!

The image of Talia swirled, faded and with a blink, Tav was free from her memory, the tadpole finally releasing her. She gasped like she hadn’t taken a breath in a while, instinctively wrapping her arms around herself. She was back in the river, the water feeling cold and confining now, Goosebumps running up her arms. She was gripping the soap bar so tightly in her hand; it was falling apart.

“Tav?” Astarion asked again, with a hint of concern. She faced him, embarrassed beyond anything else. He would have felt everything she just had. He was standing by the edge, tense and unsure. He was at the most serious she’d ever seen him. 

“What in the hells was that” Tav exclaimed with indignation, emotions swelling. 

“I don’t know,” Astarion said, voice low. This was no longer fun. Tav looked him in the eye, jaw clenched. 

“We don’t speak of this. You tell anyone what you saw and -” Tav started but stopped herself when she realised her voice was shaking. She hated this. She wanted to crawl into a ball and never wake up if it meant she never had to experience that memory again.  
“I have no intention of sharing this. Unless it becomes important of course” Astarsion said, trying to balance some sincerity with practicality. Tav shook her head. 

“It won’t. And if by some chance it does, it’s my information to share, not yours,” Tav asserted, drawing on the authority she had built over the past couple of weeks, “Got it?” 

Astarion nodded slowly, she hoped with respect for her decision. They stood in silence, collectively reeling from the shared memory. She could tell he had questions but wasn’t willing to ask them yet. The tension was turning the air sour around them, cricket noise lending to the ominous atmosphere. Tav eventually took a deep breath and wandered to the shoreline. Astarion stood back and watched quietly, almost sombrely, as she hauled herself from the water’s current onto the rocks. The rocks coarseness was unpleasant on Tav’s bare skin. 

“All things considered,” Astarion mused as Tav struggled her pants back on, “You still look ravishing.” 

Tav looked at him, bemused. 

“You’ll have to look elsewhere for further amusement I’m afraid. I think I’ve shared enough already” Tav said, cheerless. Talia’s face wouldn’t leave her mind. Astarion thought for a moment as Tav tussled with the strings of her shirt. She was too flustered to tighten them correctly, sighing angrily. Wordlessly, Astarion batted her hands away and grabbed the cords. Meticulously, he corrected their length and tightened them just right as Tav watched in silence. The gesture was kinder than she would have expected from the vampire. 

“You know what. I think we could both use a drink instead, don’t you think?” Astarion proposed to her surprise, doing up the laces around her neck, cold fingertips brushing by her flesh. She judged him closely, looking for the hidden catch. 

“I don’t know” Tav deliberated. Astarion’s hallmark disarming smile returned. 

“No strings attached Darling. We don’t have to talk. We don’t even have to look at each other. Just us and a bottle” He suggested as sincerely as Astarion could get. Tav seriously pondered his offer. 

“Fine” Tav conceded quickly. 

“Wonderful” Astarion said. He had finished fastening the strings around her neck, but his fingers lingered for a moment. He drew back when they made eye contact. 

“Let's go,” Tav said.


	2. The Missive

" _Ignis!"_

Gale shouted the incantation, a ball of licking flames projecting from his hands. Tav watched as the fireball shot across the cavern, the target unknown to her. It illuminated the dark, slick rock of the Underdark, a beacon of the violence to come. As the fire reached its target, she felt her stomach twist. She watched as it crashed into the large, terrifying eye of a Spectator, a floating ball of gnarled teeth and perpetual hatred. Gale had been the first to react as the others scrambled out of the way of the blast. 

"Fuck!" Tav couldn't help but screech, losing her footing and sliding down a wet dirt embankment, closer towards the massive creature. It let out a harrowing scream as flames bit at its giant face, the only source of light in the darkness. Its mouth opened wide, revealing rows of large dagger-like teeth, glinting in the firelight. The two eyestalks on either side of its head flailed around in response to the pain, blinking in confusion. 

Tav was temporarily stunned by the creature's alien appearance and mannerisms, failing to find her footing in time. She dug her fingers into the hard, black earth, trying to steady herself. Her mind scrambled for answers. How do you fight a floating ball of eyes? 

One of the eyestalks turned its attention to Tav, enraged by her presence. A psychic blast of blinding purple light emitted from the reptilian eye and Tav’s adrenaline finally kicked in. She rolled, the blast missing her by a thread’s width. But the power of blow to the ground next to her sent a shock wave through the earth. It caused her to fall further down the embankment, covering her in dark soil. 

Tav couldn't stop her momentum before ending up almost directly underneath where the Spectator hovered above the ground. Thankfully for her, her companions provided a distraction from her position. Another fireball was flung through the air, hitting the monster once more as it continued to writhe. 

Lae'zel came into Tav's view, charging the creature with the same fury and might she had shown against every other foe. She yelled as she raised the sword above her head, the heavy metal causing her arm muscles to strain. Effortlessly, she let the weight of the sword aid her, bringing it down across the creature's flank before it could react. She just missed an eyestalk within inches, black blood spraying across the ground. The Spector howled again but showed no sign of fatigue. It hovered seamlessly through the air to reach Lae'zel, lowering itself closer to Tav’s position. Lae’zel dodged backward out of its jaws, the sound of the snap echoing through the maze of caves.

Tav took a moment to plunge her draggers into the underbelly of the animal, but her blades didn't get too far. The Spectator's skin was thick as blubber and tough as tree bark, the daggers struggling to even draw blood. The attack only drew its attention to her again, the horrifying face turning on her. Tav's breath caught in her throat as Lae'zel tried to slash at the exposed flank of the creature again, only to be blasted with a shimmering beam of green light. The force of it sent the Gith to the ground, her head hitting the rock. The sound of her helmet clashing against the floor echoed loudly through the caves, and Tav's fear spiked. She thought to teleport, but couldn't pinpoint a location she could see, her full attention on the shark-like mouth coming towards her. 

Her back to the ground, Tav quickly tried to make a getaway, shuffling across the dirt on her elbows. A well-timed arrow whirled through the air just as the Spectator looked to strike, the arrow piercing the largest of its eyes. It blinked and screamed again, the sound hurting Tav's ears. Astarion appeared from a hidden place up on the embankment, unleashing another arrow at the Spectator. This time it hit flesh but bounced off its green, rubber-like skin. It was enough to anger it more, it's eyestalk turning its attention again. Tav noted how easily distracted it was. She continued to scramble back but shouted out to the others as she did. 

"Keep its attention divided! It'll give us enough time to find the right attack!" Tav commanded, finding her footing as the Spectator sent another two blasts toward Gale and Astarion on the embankment. Astarion gracefully dodged the crackle of light, but Gale wasn't so fortunate. The purple light engulfed him, and he dropped his staff, his limbs contorting. His hands curled together, and Gale appeared to struggle to control his movements. 

"Dammit! It's a paralysis spell!" the wizard yelled, fighting the spell. It brought him to his knees, crawling in the dirt towards his staff. Astarion appeared from another corner of the cave, unleashing another arrow into the monster to keep it off Gale as he struggled. 

"How do you suppose we keep it distracted between the THREE of us?" Astarion yelled across the cave at Tav as she searched for higher ground. Lae'zel was only now recovering from her tumble, quickly picking herself off the ground, weapon gripped tightly in her hands. She was infuriated, her breaths ragged. 

"Choose an eye and focus on it. Blind it!" Tav said, finally reaching a high rock face. She unleashed an eldritch blast, red lighting crackling through the air into the lower right eye of the Spectator. The eye closed in response, the flesh blistering from the strike. When it opened, the eyeball had blackened, partially melted. 

"Do that!" Tav yelled. When the Spectator predictably turned towards her, Lae'zel let out a battle-cry and ran towards the creature once again. This time she hit the target, cleaving the other lower eyestalk from the Spectators body. Dark blood splattered from the wound, and the creature screamed again, as it flailed and twisted in the air. Tav felt a lump in her throat and watched in horror as it whipped around to Lae'zel, who was just within reach of its jaws. Astarion unleashed another arrow, but it missed, and the Spectator wrapped its jaws around Lae'zel. She let out a guttural scream as it clamped around her body. The sound of its teeth scraping against the steel of her metal armour filled the cavern. 

"NO!" Tav screamed, a sickness spreading within her. She threw another eldritch blast, stronger this time, black smoke spluttering up into the air as it struck the back of the animal. It didn't release Lae'zel from its jaws as she struggled against them, desperately hitting a fist against the central eye. It shook her viciously like a dog with a bone, the sight causing Tav's jaw to drop. She looked across at Astarion, giving him a desperate look. A split-second decision was made between them, and they both rushed the monster. They jumped from their respective positions of advantage and ran forward, Astarion with daggers in hand. Tav prepared for an assault, casting Armor of Agathys. A protective magical shell enveloped her, emitting a white glow. 

Astarion got close first, striking at an unaware eyestalk. The blades sliced through its flesh, not wholly severing the stalk. However, it slumped down to the floor, appearing to be rendered useless. Tav projected rays of fire, three projectiles hitting the Spectator. The combined effort caused the creature to growl and release Lae'zel, throwing her across the floor. She rolled several feet away, motionless at first. Blood streaked the cave floor where she had rolled. Tav held her breath, not expecting Lae’zel to recover. Remarkably she was already shaking off the blow, slowly picking herself up, caked in dirt and green saliva. If she wasn't pissed before, she was now, a bright red gash against her forehead. Unfortunately, there was no sign of her weapon. 

When the Spectator turned on Astarion, Tav saw a glint of steel in its open maw. Lae'zel's sword was lodged in the centre of the lower jaw, trapping its tongue to the floor of the mouth. The Spectator's eyes were wide with pain, its mouth forced to dangle open. A toxic mixture of blood and saliva dripped to the ground, almost causing Astarion to slip. 

"The sword!" Tav called out, pointing at its precarious location. Quick as the crack of a whip, Astarion skilfully lunged for the weapon, but it wasn't enough. The Spectator swiped at Astarion with its last eyestalk, flinging him weightless into a nearby rock face. 

"Damn it!" he yelled, groaning in pain at the impact. He slumped against the wall, doubled over, momentarily incapacitated. The Spectator went to attack, certain death for the rogue. In a panic, Tav let out another blast of red lightning into the back of the creature again, searing its flesh enough to move it off Astarion. Fear gripped her entirely now as she realised, she was the only one left. She could smell the monster's rancid breath as it approached quickly, determined to end her.

As she stared at the sword in its mouth, an insane idea formed in her mind. The tadpole squirmed awake, seemingly against the notion, actively causing her pain. It took every inch of her will power not to move as the Spectator hovered above her, positioned to engulf her. 

"Gods protect me" Tav whispered, as the Spectator lurched for her. She felt its teeth shatter the magic shield around her, but it held back the brunt of the bite, leaving the sword within Tav's grasp. With all her might, she pushed the weapon further into the creature's body, angling it just right. She felt the flesh of its insides give way as the blade pushed through to the underside of its body, leaving the creature wailing. It released her, leaving her drenched in blood and other mucus. It reeled back, enraged, but subdued. It dramatically collapsed to the ground, a final wheeze of air leaving its body. It died; a menacing stare upon its face even in death. 

Tav stood there for a moment, exhausted, staring at the corpse. She let out a delayed sigh, falling to her knees when she felt the pain start to creep into her body, sharp and throbbing. She held a hand to her shoulder where it hurt worst, only to see her own blood drip between her fingers. Its teeth had gashed her right shoulder, leaving a deep wound. 

"Ouch," She whispered, instinctually lying down on her back. The next moments were a blur, the world spinning around her as she proceeded to feel colder and colder. A sort of delirium overcame her, causing her to chuckle slightly. 

"Tck! Get up now, this is not a game!" she heard Lae'zel say distantly. The green woman came into view, a profound expression of disdain on her face. It only lessened when she assessed Tav's condition. She wasted no time kneeling next to Tav and applying pressure to wound, causing Tav to cry out. 

"Why must your flesh be so weak?" Lae'zel chastised, turning to the other's as they approached the corpse of the Spectator, "This one needs a healing potion". Tav assessed Lae'zel body. She was bleeding, but her wounds were closer to scrapes than to what Tav was experiencing. 

"How… in the Hells… did you survive that?" Tav breathed out, every word debilitating. Lae'zel scoffed, pressing harder on Tav's wound, red seeping between her fingers. 

"I'm more puzzled by how _you_ didn't perish. Lucky for you, I was here" Lae'zel exclaimed, exasperated. If Tav wasn't incapacitated, she would have placed a hand over her heart. A sly smirk spread across her face. 

"I didn't… realise you cared" Tav muttered, progressively feeling worse. Gale appeared in her peripheral view, still struggling with his movements, but alive. A large glass flask was in his hands, the lifesaving red liquid sloshed around in the bottle. 

"I question what you consider 'caring' Tav" Gale jested, kneeling by her. He carefully placed a hand under her head to help her drink the potion, putting it to her lips. It tasted like metal, its consistency closer to syrup than water. She immediately felt the effects, feeling invigorated despite her blood loss. 

"Bless alchemy" Tav muttered, her pain steadily easing to a discomfort. The wound felt to be repairing itself, deep tissues stitching themselves back together, the flesh slowly moving on its own. Lae'zel eased the pressure off Tav's shoulder as the bleeding slowed down and Tav finished downing the bottle, almost prepared to move again. She turned her head to the side, her vision starting to clear. She noticed Astarion had not joined the group, stranding himself a few feet away. He was still holding his side where the Spectator had thrashed him, staring at the corpse. 

"You wouldn't happen to have another potion?" Tav asked him, voice becoming stronger. Her voice seemed to pull him from a distracted state, but his expression remained flat. 

"No. I don't" Astarion said, almost indignant. He stared at her, unreadable. Tav could only manage a puzzled look, deciding not to push it. Gale appeared suspicious of the interaction but said nothing.

\-----

A storm rolled in that night, grey clouds turning black as the sky darkened. Tav would count the seconds between when the light flashed across the sky and when the violent rumble would shake the ground. When the first drops of water started to touch the earth, the group turned in early to escape the rain. Tav was almost thankful for it – there was a tension growing amongst them since her stunt with the Spectator. She wasn't sure if she could sit around the campfire that night pretending she wasn't troubled by what happened. She wasn't sure how to take the appreciation - or the indifference.

Tav's tent was as cosy as she could manage to make it – the floor covered by colourful rugs to shield from the rocky ground. She laid the bedroll up against the longest side, sheepskins layered on top to provide extra softness. A wooden crate sat at the foot of the bed containing her valuables, coin purses, potions and armour. The tent was dimly lit by an oil lamp, the light dancing against the blue fabric that protected Tav from the storm. The noise the rain created as it hit the tent side reverberated in Tav’s ears, muffling the sounds of the nature outside. The occasional flash of lightning brightened the interior, causing Tav to blink.

In the varying levels of light, she could make out the words on a piece of parchment clasped tightly in her hands. It was a written missive she'd found in the Underdark, unmistakably belonging to the Drow. Tav couldn't stop reading it since she first laid eyes on it. It was a painful glimpse at the society she had managed to escape, something she wondered about often. It was apparent what people were afraid of – she just didn't think their hatred would be so evident from a simple scripture. She swallowed back a pang of anger, her obsession with the paper clearly unhealthy. Her heritage was always a difficult thing to grapple within her mind.

Tav was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the faint approach of footsteps splashing through the rain. She sat up, alert.

"Hello?" She asked, folding the dreaded parchment and slipping it underneath her pillow.

"It's me," She heard Astarion say hushed, "Quickly, before I'm soaked to the bone."

Perplexed, Tav kneeled by the tent entrance and undid the fastenings more hastily than she cared to admit. She looked out into the dark, red eyes meeting hers. She sat back as Astarion, somewhat sheepishly, climbed into the tent. She wasn't expecting the visit, watching the vampire closely as he closed the tent up again. He seemed overly despondent after their visit to the Underdark, but not now.

"Welcome, I suppose," Tav said, settling back against the tent wall. There was just enough room for the both of them, the air already warming thanks to his presence. Astarion sat across from her, carefully removing his muddy boots and placing them in the crate.

"Well, isn't this cosy" Astarion commented, taking in the environment. Tav observed him, biting the inside of her cheek. He had left his black leather doublet elsewhere, leaving only a sheer white blouse. The white cloth clung to his body where ever rain had fallen, outlining his toned shoulders and chest. It revealed the pale skin underneath, unaffected by the cold of the rain. His hair was heavy with water, curls clinging to his forehead. He gave her a smile when he noticed her staring.

"It’s so cosy you braved the rain just to see it?" Tav asked, a small smile on her lips. Astarion avoided the question.

"This camping business is getting tiresome. I may not sleep, but a good bed wouldn't go amiss" he complained, running a hand through his hair to rid it of some water. Tav nodded. She missed taverns most, yearning for the smell of a fireplace and spirits.

"Why are you here, Astarion?" Tav asked, folding her arms over her chest. His motives weren't hard to guess, but she wasn't in the mood to speculate.

"You're no fun tonight" Astarion poked, propping up his chin on an elegant hand. Tav noticed dark bruising developing on the right side of his arm, battered by the day’s events. She assessed the evidence of the battle closely and met Astarion’s hungry eye’s, a hint of desire present. She could feel an ache develop in her. She didn't think she would want much company after today's events, but the tension she held in her body begged for relief - Any kind of relief.

"I might be," Tav said with a smirk, "Just answer my question". Astarion shuffled restlessly, visibly distracted by his thoughts. The patter of rain against the tent surface filled the silence between them as Astarion chose his next words carefully.

"I don't know about you, but hunting down dinner in the rain doesn't sound too pleasant," Astarion said, theatrically wiping more water off his face. "I was wondering if you had been thinking about my little offer?"

He was smiling through his words like he already knew her answer. It somewhat irked her he thought he had such sway over her. It was a pattern she'd noticed – he treated his ability to influence others like a game. Tav suspected he enjoyed her company because he felt was in control, that she was predictable. She enjoyed that she could subvert his expectations.

"I have to ask," Tav said, her heart involuntarily jumping into her throat, "Why does it have to be a 'transaction'? A transaction implies… well, we both lose something."

"I suppose transaction isn't the right word. Think of it as a symbiotic relationship, perhaps?"

"Truly Astarion. Can't we just have … fun? I can give you blood when I can, and we have fun when we want. No strings attached, right?" Tav said, borrowing Astarions phrase from the other night. She didn't quite know how Astarion would react to her words, but he seemed to chew on them for some time.

"I suppose," Astarion said, judging Tav closely, "It just seems… strange."

"What does?" Tav asked. She felt her cheeks flush at the way he was looking at her. Hungry. Curious.

"You. Not a stranger, but still, strange" He thought out loud, somewhat dramatically. His hands moved with his words, and Tav couldn't keep her eyes off them.

"I don't see how," Tav said, her interest piqued. Astarion thought deeply, clearly disquiet. 

"You almost died for us today. You were willing to bleed out on the dirt, in one of the most retched places in Faerûn. Die, like an animal" Astarion foreboded, almost in disbelief. Tav was puzzled, his words causing her to fidget. Her mind drifted to images of the open mouth of the Spectator. The pain of its bite. She absent-mindedly grabbed at her partially healed shoulder, feeling the cloth of the bandages. A low ache was still present in her muscles. A fleshlike seam was now in place of the gaping wound, slowly repairing thanks to the help of potions and salves.

"It's like I said," Tav said, thinking back to her promise, "I've got your back if you have mine. And you did. You all did"

Astarion shook his head.

"I'm new to the concept of self-sacrifice." He said flatly, much like earlier in the Underdark.

"I hope it was worth it," Tav blurted out, "If we just become squid tomorrow, I almost died for nothing."

"Darling," Astarion almost laughed, "Think of it this way. We'd all be dead either way. You at least bought us another day. _That's_ worth something."

He said the last sentence with some conviction, his airy dismissiveness dispelling for a moment. A moment of genuineness that lit something within Tav's core. She watched his hands again, wishing for them to grip her.

"Was that a 'thank you' I just heard?" Tav asked playfully.

"Don't let it go to your head," Astarion said, putting on a bashful look. Tav shook her head.

"I won't. It's difficult to take a compliment from you lot" Tav said, referring mainly to Shadowheart. Tav had come to expect sarcasm in place of real feedback from most of the group.

"I have better things to give." Astarion quipped, his lips twisting into another smirk. She judged his mouth closely, yearning for their softness. She wanted to make her desires clear, figuring the sounds of the storm would keep their rendezvous private. He was clearly interested in the same thing she was.

"Is that so?" Tav laughed, leaning back onto her elbows, stretching herself out to the best of her ability. The cloth of her shirt strained against her chest and pulled up past her navel, revealing the soft purple skin of her stomach. She ran her hands through her hair, loosening it to fall over her shoulders. She gave him an inviting look, hoping the exhibition was enticing. The look he gave her was electrifying.

"As delightful as you look right now, I'm quite hungry" Astarion confessed. Tav sighed, thinking on his words. She eventually brushed her hair aside, exposing the left side of her neck. She wasn't particularly fond of being leeched, but the thought of his skin hers urged her on.

"Truly?" Astarion asked, surprised. Surprise she enjoyed.

"If you're quick," Tav teased, "We have other matters to attend to."

She opened her bent knees, inviting him to come close. Astarion didn't question further, crawling forward until their faces met. He wasted no time pressing himself against her, kissing her deeply, lips cool on hers. The intensity of it threw her off, causing her to fumble her end of the kiss.

"Nervous?" Astarion jested, irking her. She thought it useless to defend herself with words. She stretched her neck to the side, looking him in the eye. His desire was apparent, temptation written across his face. He pressed another kiss against her neck, his hot breath setting her nerves alight. He held her face with one hand, gently steadying her for the bite. She inhaled sharply when his other hand slipped underneath her shirt, exploring her skin. He found the flesh of her hip, gripping it. Tav relished the feeling of his hands on her, strong and assertive. She braced herself, gripping his shoulders.

Quick like a viper, Astarion’s fangs bit into Tav's neck. Like last time, it was a quick, sharp pain causing her blood to run cold. The sudden pain caused her to jolt, but Astarions hands kept her in place. There was a strange sense of closeness, beyond the intimacy of their bodies. The leeching of her life force, used to strengthen him, filled her with some dread. But there was a small part of her that enjoyed the feeling of being wanted in this way. A part of her she didn't like to acknowledge.

After a moment, Tav ran her hands through Astarions hair, bringing him back to reality. He retracted from her neck, sighing deeply. She was dizzy for a moment, but she managed to collect herself quickly.

"Delicious. You're so much better than bloody rats" he muttered, breathing her in.

"I would hope so?" Tav laughed. Astarion chuckled, positively exhilarated. He ran his tongue over the wound, savouring the taste. Tav was eager to feel it elsewhere.

"Sit back" She suddenly commanded, already aching for him. Astarion happily complied, sitting crossed legged, anticipating Tav’s next move. She shifted up, sitting into his lap. She rocked her hips into his in excitement, causing him to groan. She could feel he was hard, causing a pleasant pressure against her pelvis. It was thrilling to have such an effect on him.

Tav let her hands travel his chest, feeling the tense muscle underneath. She untucked his shirt from his trousers and pulled it off over his head, throwing it to the side. His hairless chest was slick with rainwater, glistening in the low candlelight. Tav leaned in, wrapping her arms around his torso while his hands gripped at her thighs. She resisted the urge to trace her fingers over the infernal scarring of his back. She ran her tongue along the soft skin of his shoulder, up to his neck, licking the sweet water away. She licked up until her teeth found the malleable flesh of his earlobe, nibbling it lightly. Astarion produced a quiet moan, his hands moving upward.

Tav pulled back slightly to let him undo the laces of her shirt, fingers moving as quickly as possible. Just as dexterously as he had done them up the other night, the strings unravelled, loosening the shirt. He ran his hands underneath the cloth and lift it off, revealing her bare chest. The cold storm air was pleasing against her skin.

Tav let her head roll back as Astarion placed hard kisses along her collar bone, trailing them downward. He was careful not to stray too close to her injury, avoiding the bandaged area. She leaned back further, letting his mouth travel over her breasts, his teeth brushing against the tender flesh. She could feel her heart jump as he wrapped his mouth over one of her nipples, sucking hard.

"Hells" Tav moaned. The sensation grew her desire, her body flushing with heat. Astarion let his hands explore, running them up to her back. He cupped her breasts with practised hands. His fingers reached her lower back, under the waistband, looking for purchase. Every touch was exhilarating, increasing her frustration. She had half a mind to take the encounter in a rougher direction – leave the man beneath her a begging mess. The pain in her shoulder was reintroducing itself, deciding for her that their meeting had to be swift. Another time, Tav told herself.

"I want to ride you" Tav barely whispered into Astarion's ear, pulling him close. A mischievous smile spread across his face.

"As you wish, lover," he said gladly. Tav lifted off Astarion, careful not to hit her head into the ceiling of the tent. She tugged her pants and small clothes off, letting them slide to the floor, leaving her brilliantly naked in the dim light. Before Astarion could reach out, she placed a foot against his chest, pushing him to floor with some force. He hadn’t expected it but seemed to enjoy the vigour behind it.

"Ooft. Someone's eager" Astarion said with a wicked smile. Tav smirked, lowering herself until she was straddling his chest. His chest was cool against her burning skin.

"Are you?" Tav asked, ensuring it was what he wanted before proceeding. He grasped her hips tightly, tilting her closer towards his mouth. She enjoyed how he looked beneath her, longing to taste her.

"Absolutely" He whispered, beckoning her. Tav let herself be pulled forward, and Astarion ran his tongue against her sex. Tav gasped, the action causing her aching to increase tenfold. A knot was tightening. It was simultaneously gratifying and torturous, Tav gathering her will not to immediately grind against him. She was already slick with desire, his tongue gliding against her easily, deliberately only applying pressure to her clit for a measured amount of time. She ran her hands through his drying hair, tugging slightly to bring his face that little bit closer. He reached up and cupped her breast, the other at her hip to steady her against him. The teasing eventually caused her to roll her hips against his face, becoming desperate for the knot to release. He moaned against her, a delightful sound.

"Fuck” Tav tried not to swear too loudly as Astarion continued to lick, calculated with how fast or slow he'd go depending on how desperate she'd seem. It was infuriating. She was losing patience, her breaths heavy. She needed something more before becoming unravelled. She lifted off his face, causing Astarion to whine.

"But we were just getting started" He murmured, pressing a kiss against her inner thigh. She was ready to buckle right there and then.

"I'm weak tonight" Tav panted, crawling backward to reposition between his legs. As she moved, she left a trail of hard kisses against the smooth muscle of his torso. She reached down and hastily undid the drawstring of his trousers, just freeing his length enough to take a grip of it. Astarion groaned, propping onto his elbows to watch her touch him. It only took a couple of rhythmic tugs before he was thrusting into her grasp, stifling moans.

"Seems I'm not the only one" Tav teased, deciding to waste no more time. She straddled Astarion’s waist, rubbing herself against him. It wasn’t long before Tav used a free hand to guide him to her entrance. He grabbed her ass and squeezed firmly when she lowered herself onto him. A sigh escaped both their lips and Tav immediately rocked against him as he spurred up to meet her.

"Astarion" Tav gasped, gripping his shoulders for support. They indulged the feeling at first, slowly meeting each other before both their desperation grew. The thrusts started to become more erratic, Tav searching for more friction. Astarion's hips jerked against her relentlessly as she wanted, pulling her closer toward him to keep pace. He slipped a hand between her legs, rubbing her clit quick and succinctly. It only caused her to roll her hips harder against him, taking him deeply as she could. Her teeth found his neck, sucking at the tender flesh.

"Shit" Astarion murmured, barely able to get the word out.

Tav looked him in the face, seeing he was struggling to keep composed. She pressed a hot kiss to his lips, their tongues soon finding each other. She could taste herself on his lips, a salted musk. The knot started to unravel.

"Shit- fuck!" Tav swore, too loud this time. She could feel herself reeling, her legs tightening around Astarion while he kept consistent pressure on her clit. She shuddered, bright, white-hot pleasure spreading through her. It was like several lightning bolts, her legs twitching uncontrollably as her breath caught in her throat. While in the throes of her orgasm, Astarion held Tav against him, taking a fist full of her hair and tugging her head back, causing her to yelp.

"Yes, yes, that’s it!" Tav whimpered, reaching her height. 

It seemed to be Astarion’s undoing. He let out a deep sigh, quickly sitting up, re-adjusting Tav's weight on him but keeping them intertwined. Tav intrinsically wrapped herself around him as he continued to thrust, riding the orgasm to completion with his face pressed against the nook of her neck. They sat together, embraced for a moment, breathing heavily—the thunder outside continuing to rumble in the sky. The rush of ecstasy momentarily freed her mind of thoughts, leaving her elated. The ache had been satisfied for now

Wordlessly, Tav released her grip on the vampire, pulling them apart. She fell back on the bedroll, wiping away the sweat of her forehead, spent. She suspected they would have lasted longer if the day hadn’t been so trying. Astarion was still getting his breathing back under control, playfully running a hand up Tav's thigh, admiring the result of their pleasure. Tav let out a breathless chuckle at his touch. He sighed tiredly, falling in beside her, lacing up his trousers.

"I think things are going to be awkward tomorrow" Astarion mused, breaking the silence. Tav felt her heart jump a little.

"How so?" Tav asked, sitting up to search for her clothes. She thought it best wash before the rain went away.

"My dear," Astarion laughed, "Did you not hear yourself?"

Tav felt her cheeks flush red, rolling her eyes.

"Dammit," she muttered. She prayed the storm drowned most of it out.

"I expected no less, of course," Astarion joked, self-conceit. Tav shook her head. He knew precisely how to vex her.

"Ass" she muttered, gathering her pants.

"Don't tell me you're embarrassed. The others already knew we were fooling around" Astarion said, sounding slightly wounded. Tav wasn't sure if it was an act or not. Truthfully, she didn’t want the others to think she was playing favourites. If doubt in her leadership would be sowed, she would rather it not be over her chosen bedfellows.

“I’m not familiar with embarrassment. I don’t care to be acquainted with it” Tav said. She could feel her tension already returning, a tightness creeping into her muscles. She noticed her wound hurting again in painful concert with the bite on her neck. She reached for it, wondering how she’d hide the evidence.

“Someone’s pensive. Again,” Astarion observed, tracing a finger down her thigh, “We could always go for round two.”

“I think not. I’ve already pushed my recovery time back a day” Tav chuckled, referring to her shoulder, absently resting on a hand on the bandaging. Astarion shrugged, stretching out on her bedroll. He lifted his arms above him, tight muscles flexing, mirroring Tav’s show from earlier. She gave him a judging eye. He went to place his hands underneath the pillow, pausing when his fingers found crumpled parchment. Tav’s heart leapt into her throat.

“It’s nothing,” She said without a breath, regretting the words immediately. It was her reaction that took Astarion’s interest, holding the paper from her grasp.

“That means it’s _something,”_ Astarion said with some suspicion. He gingerly unfolded the missive before Tav could formulate a lie, her stomach twisting. His eyes analysed it carefully, his expression remaining intrigued.

“Why do you have this?” He asked, mostly confused. Tav had been hyper-visual of judgement and discomforts in others her entire life. She didn’t detect any of that from Astarion. She shrugged.

“I was curious,” Tav said, not entirely untruthful. Astarion didn’t appear convinced. “I’m not a worshipper of Lolth if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not,” He said firmly. His affirmation almost brought Tav solace to hear.

“Most people would have assumed the worst,” Tav said, noting the reaction.

“Darling, you act tough, but you’re no Lolth Drow,” Astarion said dismissively.

“How would you know?” Tav asked, annoyed at his confidence. He didn’t know her, not truly. He threw his hands in the air like the answer was apparent.

“I doubt followers of Lolth would concern themselves with the wellbeing of surface dwellers. Even if your method of persuasion is usually threatening violence.”

“Everyone understands the consequence of violence. It’s most effective” Tav defended. Astarion shook his head.

“I wasn’t complaining,” he said, a smirk on his lips, “But it still doesn’t explain why you have this under your pillow.”

Tav was pensive, truly considering her actions. The answer wasn’t obvious, even to her.

“I don’t know,” Tav said with venom in her voice, “I hate them. They took everything from me, in some way or another. Maybe, if I can better understand them, for when we do meet again…”

Her voice trailed, realising she getting ahead of herself. Her thoughts and memories jumped around in her head like an army of frogs; chaotically fleeting. Images of her parents and Talia came to mind, and it made her nauseous. Dead parents, estranged lovers, bad decisions – they were all present. Could she really blame all of it on the Drow? She absently prodded at her shoulder again, searching for something to bring her back to reality.

“Again?” Astarion questioned. Tav clenched her jaw, deciding she had spoken enough.

“I think it best I go wash now,” Tav said, brushing the conversation aside, clothes bundled in her arms. Astarion’s suspicion grew.

“Does this have something to do with Tal-”

“Don’t” Tav warned, something in her twisting violently in response to the woman's name. There was something about hearing it from Astarion’s mouth that made her recoil. Astarion held her warning stare, an intensity building in the air. She swallowed, composing herself, unsure of what Astarion was thinking. She could see some sort of inner workings behind his eyes, carefully, quietly, contemplating. She was the first to look away, worried their tadpoles would make contact again. She could feel it squirming behind her eye socket, a grating sensation causing her to blink. It caused her more discomfort than the quiet.

“Fine,” Astarion eventually said, “Till next time.”

Before Tav could speak another word, Astarion hastily gathered his things and exited the tent. The sound of pouring rain filled in the silence that followed. A new gnawing entered her, one she didn’t expect - Loneliness. 


End file.
